The other day I was riding my slow-ass-vespa down university parkway. Luckily I was going down hill (I don’t take this hill going up because of the fore mentioned vehicle situation) and doing about fifty-five. Although I was keeping up with traffic a purple mazda screamed (not zoomed) past me at about seventy, not an appropriate speed, and came only feet from my front tire. I always enjoy it when people race their cars in traffic only to get stuck behind the same traffic light as me and in this particular case, I pulled up just in front of him.
He rolled down the passenger window and said “hey, dude” (a sure sign of intelligence) “will you do me a favor?”
Not really upset about cutting me off, I said “what do you have in mind?”
“Do you see the Bug a couple cars behind us?”
Indeed I did, and he continued “will you try to slow them up for us, you know, swerve in front of them. We are having a race.” As if I was as brain dead as him and needed the situation explained, 'really, I thought that you wanted me to slow him up because of the gas price,' seriously, is everyone else you talk to that dim?
I obviously didn’t want to put myself in extra danger of another crazy utah valley 'racer,' but I didn’t want to just say no because this guy seemed like a real winner (you know the type, he was probably pissed off because he only has six pink collared shirts, and they were all dirty today).
So I told him “sorry, but I like Volkswagens and I hate mazdas.” I know, this is a weak insult, but if you could see my expressionless face it would be much more rewarding.
For some reason he must have thought I was some kind of prostitute because he then offered my twenty bucks to see if I would reconsider.
Does money really buy everything? This is a sick society. I enjoy the convenience of promissory notes as much as the next person, but is that the limits of our society? This mazda driver saw a problem and thought “hey, I want it my way (no subtle hint at burger king) and I am not getting it. If I reward that guy with materialism he should conform.”
Next time some guy almost takes my front tire out from under me and offers me money to be his bitch, I will reply “no thanks, I will however do it if you rip up twenty dollars and shove it.…”
He rolled down the passenger window and said “hey, dude” (a sure sign of intelligence) “will you do me a favor?”
Not really upset about cutting me off, I said “what do you have in mind?”
“Do you see the Bug a couple cars behind us?”
Indeed I did, and he continued “will you try to slow them up for us, you know, swerve in front of them. We are having a race.” As if I was as brain dead as him and needed the situation explained, 'really, I thought that you wanted me to slow him up because of the gas price,' seriously, is everyone else you talk to that dim?
I obviously didn’t want to put myself in extra danger of another crazy utah valley 'racer,' but I didn’t want to just say no because this guy seemed like a real winner (you know the type, he was probably pissed off because he only has six pink collared shirts, and they were all dirty today).
So I told him “sorry, but I like Volkswagens and I hate mazdas.” I know, this is a weak insult, but if you could see my expressionless face it would be much more rewarding.
For some reason he must have thought I was some kind of prostitute because he then offered my twenty bucks to see if I would reconsider.
Does money really buy everything? This is a sick society. I enjoy the convenience of promissory notes as much as the next person, but is that the limits of our society? This mazda driver saw a problem and thought “hey, I want it my way (no subtle hint at burger king) and I am not getting it. If I reward that guy with materialism he should conform.”
Next time some guy almost takes my front tire out from under me and offers me money to be his bitch, I will reply “no thanks, I will however do it if you rip up twenty dollars and shove it.…”
posted by spitzer at 7:26 AM
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