Thievery
Am I the only person who thinks about deviant behavior, all the time? The other day I was at an electronics store and I noticed someone walking out with a CD they just bought. The alarm went off and the casher just waved the customer out as she turned off the alarm. I then began to think of all the thieves who did it wrong. “All they needed to do is buy one CD and stuff twenty down their pants. The reaction will be similar as the above as long as a couple variables are taken care of. First, clean cut. Seriously, the smart criminals never look like a criminal and the dumb ones always claim ‘hey man, your stereotyping,’ but still get caught. Second, middle of the day when only one casher is working with a line of customers. And most important, suburbia USA.”
The more I thought about it the more I thought about how to improve it. “Bring a friend who acts like a stranger. Have the friend steal all the CDs and walk out the same time as you. If you begin to walk back with your bag open with a questioned look on your face the friend is sure to walk out with no hassle.”
Even better, “Do the same as above only when you finish your purchase claim ‘I want to check out some thing before I go’ and exchange the bought CD with the same CD that has not been demagnetized. Doing this will ensure that the casher believes he/she made a mistake and demagnetized the new CD (the first CD could then be picked up on a second visit and returned for a refund).”
This only takes my mind a few minutes to work out while waiting in the line. And its not just the electronics store. Every convenient store reminds me how stupid some thieves are. You know that little measuring strip at the door of every convenience store? Well, wear high shoes.
This scares me. Will I just snap one day and start running around shooting up every store clerk just because I know they will never be able to trace a shotgun shell? Is the only thing holding me back the financial situation I am in right now? If I loose everything to some fluke accident will I begin to sell stolen furniture out of the back of my el camino?
Maybe it is the same impulse inhibitor that stops me from driving off of Wasatch road as it cuts just below mount Olympus. Everyday I see a storm drain I want to throw my keys or cell phone down it (the fact that I just purchased a RAZR did not help this impulse). Everyday I see a cop I want to make a quick grab for his gun, nock over a ten-foot display of tuna, or just punch my professor across the jaw.
(No caption needed)
If it is the same inhibitor I’ll know the first time I ram a q-tip in my ear that I had better get a hair cut because I’ve always wanted to be the smart kind of thief.
The more I thought about it the more I thought about how to improve it. “Bring a friend who acts like a stranger. Have the friend steal all the CDs and walk out the same time as you. If you begin to walk back with your bag open with a questioned look on your face the friend is sure to walk out with no hassle.”
Even better, “Do the same as above only when you finish your purchase claim ‘I want to check out some thing before I go’ and exchange the bought CD with the same CD that has not been demagnetized. Doing this will ensure that the casher believes he/she made a mistake and demagnetized the new CD (the first CD could then be picked up on a second visit and returned for a refund).”
This only takes my mind a few minutes to work out while waiting in the line. And its not just the electronics store. Every convenient store reminds me how stupid some thieves are. You know that little measuring strip at the door of every convenience store? Well, wear high shoes.
This scares me. Will I just snap one day and start running around shooting up every store clerk just because I know they will never be able to trace a shotgun shell? Is the only thing holding me back the financial situation I am in right now? If I loose everything to some fluke accident will I begin to sell stolen furniture out of the back of my el camino?
Maybe it is the same impulse inhibitor that stops me from driving off of Wasatch road as it cuts just below mount Olympus. Everyday I see a storm drain I want to throw my keys or cell phone down it (the fact that I just purchased a RAZR did not help this impulse). Everyday I see a cop I want to make a quick grab for his gun, nock over a ten-foot display of tuna, or just punch my professor across the jaw.
(No caption needed)
If it is the same inhibitor I’ll know the first time I ram a q-tip in my ear that I had better get a hair cut because I’ve always wanted to be the smart kind of thief.
posted by spitzer at 6:10 AM
4 Comments:
I thought I was the only one who always wants to throw my keys down a storm drain.
Its nice to know that you are not alone.
I have, actually, thrown my cell phone as if it were a bowling ball down a grocery store alley.
DO NOT do this with your RAZR, because, uhm, it makes it not work. Personal experience.
ah, schade.
Actually most of my cell phone abuse, which there has been much of, occurred when I had a nokia (which consequently had a broken screen).
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