I'm old or something
I have been known to say that “I can’t wait till I’m an old man and I can get away with anything.” When I say this I am usually referencing the many times I have seen/heard old men eying up young girls and throwing some bizarre slang comment at them (i.e. “you’re prettier than a hog tied to a circus clown”).
I still stand by my affirmation about being an old man, but my last encounter with the elderly has put some perspective on the subject.
While working in the produce department of a grocery store an old man commented to me that he didn’t like his celery “pithy.” I assumed that he meant old and soft so I said “yeah, me neither.” He then asked me if I’d ever heard a “smiley joke?” Despite the creapy feeling this old man was giving me I played along “no.” “Well, a smiley joke is 100% clean, but only a 1.5 on the funny scale from one to ten.” “OK.”
“How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?”
I knew the answer, but said “I don’t know.”
“A buck-an-ear! You’re smart, would you like to hear another one?”
”Sure.”
“What did one mountain say to another mountain after an earthquake?”
This one I didn’t know “I don’t know.”
“Wasn’t my fault!” After which he gave me an all to long of a tush-tap.
The jokes were fine, in fact they were some of the better jokes I’d heard from a grocery store customer. But the tush-tap was a little too much. At first I felt that this old man was going to be creapy, but all he wanted was to feel my butt, and that should be every old mans right. He’s lived almost eighty years, through a world war, and a gas crisis. If he wants to touch a young mans smokin’ posterior he should not have to feel obligated to assuage his victim with humor.
And I thought he didn't like his celery pithy?
I still stand by my affirmation about being an old man, but my last encounter with the elderly has put some perspective on the subject.
While working in the produce department of a grocery store an old man commented to me that he didn’t like his celery “pithy.” I assumed that he meant old and soft so I said “yeah, me neither.” He then asked me if I’d ever heard a “smiley joke?” Despite the creapy feeling this old man was giving me I played along “no.” “Well, a smiley joke is 100% clean, but only a 1.5 on the funny scale from one to ten.” “OK.”
“How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?”
I knew the answer, but said “I don’t know.”
“A buck-an-ear! You’re smart, would you like to hear another one?”
”Sure.”
“What did one mountain say to another mountain after an earthquake?”
This one I didn’t know “I don’t know.”
“Wasn’t my fault!” After which he gave me an all to long of a tush-tap.
The jokes were fine, in fact they were some of the better jokes I’d heard from a grocery store customer. But the tush-tap was a little too much. At first I felt that this old man was going to be creapy, but all he wanted was to feel my butt, and that should be every old mans right. He’s lived almost eighty years, through a world war, and a gas crisis. If he wants to touch a young mans smokin’ posterior he should not have to feel obligated to assuage his victim with humor.
And I thought he didn't like his celery pithy?
posted by spitzer at 6:50 AM
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