Not much

This topic, for me, is quite revealing. I am only posting it because I don’t think anyone will read it, but getting it out there may take some weight off my conscience.

For various reasons, it seems like I’ve been talking about feelings a lot lately. Emotions are hard for me to talk about. Not because I think it’s “sissy,” but because I don’t have any. I still remember when my parents approached me about it. They said that they thought a recent car accident cause me to be “detached.” I believe the car accident only sparked my parent’s intense scrutiny, but I’m the same person.

I joked about it the other day with a friend, “I’m a supper hero whose supper power is to not get attached to anyone emotionally.” It sounds funny, but my emotionlessness has caused problems. Many friends have told me, unsolicited, that you will just know when you meet “the one.” BS.

I can get excited about almost any girl, honestly, physical attraction to women has never been a problem for me. I have, however, come up with a system of recognizing whether my feelings for someone are real. It’s happened three times that when I start to see a girl my circadian clock equalizes.

It feels strange but I recognize it immediately. I’ll wake up at seven in the morning without an alarm clock and feel refreshed. That day I’ll be able to go to sleep whenever I decide to put my head on my pillow.

I can see where some people might consider this method of seeking a relationship baseless. But I contend that this method is no more outlandish than some happenstance chemical reaction in the brain. Emotional reactions can be brought about by numerous stimuli but I assume that the recipients know their body well enough to recognize a genuine reaction. So, I hope I know my body well enough to decipher love from caffeine.