Volunteer this

I realize that I’m not consistent in my writing, I jump between sarcasm and honesty. This post is, however, “honest me.”

Maybe I’m the only one who is egotistical, or maybe I’m the only one who is honest enough to admit it. Either way, I’m self aware of my own selfishness. I submit this next example of my egotism as only an example and not justification.

The other day a coworker suggested that I join him and a few others and volunteer at a local shelter. I told him “no thanks, I don’t like to volunteer.” He was surprised with my honesty. I then told him that I’m not ignorant to volunteer work, I’ve volunteered at soup kitchens, shelters for battered women, after school programs for children in the “city,” retirement centers, special needs youth, and a program similar to the Ronald McDonald House (to name a few). This may seem like an impressive list of charity, but I didn’t enjoy any of them and I don’t consider my motivation charitable. I did it because I was expected to. I would gladly take back the time I spent at these places. Just thinking about what I could have done instead frustrates me.

I believe that these programs are important in society -sadly, but I just don’t want to be a part of them. I don’t feel awkward around homeless, elderly, special needs youth, hospital patients, “city” kids, or battered women. Perhaps that is why I didn’t enjoy my volunteer time. Perhaps some people enjoy volunteering because they get to confront strange issues they have with the needy. They get to feel good about themselves for volunteering and look like the “good guy” to those they might otherwise feel strange about/around –creating a hierarchical separation.

It’s not that I’m always mean and nasty, grinding my teeth anytime someone asks for a favor. I consider myself fairly kind-hearted. I just don’t like it. Some people don’t like country music (rightfully so), some people don’t like YooHoo (it’s beyond me), and at least one person (me) does not like to volunteer.