Here are some catchy new phrases that will undoubtedly get plastered around the advertising world soon.

Cell Phowned, as in; don’t get cell phowned with other providers plans.

Grocereasy, as in; this store will make shopping grocereasy!

Flavorite, as in; every flavor will be your flavorite.

Toiletters, as in; write your friend with toiletters stationary.

Masculint, as in; buy that stuff that collects in a mans bellybutton.

Hondumb, as in; don’t be Hondumb, buy a Toyota.

Silverwarian race, as in; you need to show us your pedigree to buy this product.

Scarfat, as in; hide your fat chin with our scarfat.

Luggagelato, as in; travel with a full stomach and in style with our luggagelato.

JackOedipus, as in; buy our jacket and have sex with your mom.

Does anyone else ever get caught so off guard that they are forced to reconsider reality?

I remember one day in Baltimore, walking down the street, trying to recall the words to the Flintstones, when a man ran past me and did a face plant off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic. I immediately jogged over to help him when I realized that he was strung out on something I must be completely ignorant to, but why was I thinking about the Flinstones?

So, there you have it. Strange things are constantly flying in and out of this bizarre concept of a brain. You may be talking to me about this “way cool new website,” but I’m thinking have I ever been the passenger of a car that was also transporting a monkey (because I would hate to miss that)?

Despite these strange thoughts, I am constantly shocked at the even stranger things that make it through someone else’s mind and out there mouth.

Somehow my roommate has convinced himself that I’m the reason he is getting kicked out. Forget the fact that he has yet to pay rent on this or the previous apartment (owned by the same landlord), and has yet to work a single day in the past month (also for the same landlord). OK, I get it. Your mind has made some drastic leaps to come up with this, but you actually voiced this to me?

p.s. He just told me that his Mortal Combat character is the "lord of demons for every realm?"

myfaceter-hater

Remember ten years ago when cell phones were a luxury? I do. And I remember making sly remakes about/around people who had them. I don’t think I was jealous, but my young self could be crafty with justification.

Five years latter people were exchanging email addresses at parties. This was also besieged with baseless scorn.

Now, myspace, facebook, and friendster are receiving similar responses and I’m sick of it. It’s all about convenience and these “social” networking tools are the epitome of current convenience. I’ll admit, there are some creepy connections within its convenience factor, but just because you don’t know how to follow a girls cell phone, cross referenced with google earth, doesn’t mean cell phones can’t be creepy too.

I’m all for every attempt to bring down “big brother,” but until then I’m not going to be content setting up house calls with calling cards delivered by hand.

(Seriously, anywhere you can find a picture of an animated dj in a bikini should be praised)